you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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