I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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