Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
