Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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