Non-Jews are for practice
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
