Screwed.edu
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm both gender and math confused
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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