Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize