I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
