I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
