tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
