I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
