the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize