I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
