the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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