did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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