Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
