I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
