so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
