A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Found your dick twin last night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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