There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
