im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
