We won't sleep together?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
