Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize