Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
