your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
