Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I didn't shave. On purpose
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
