The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I love you.
Bad choice
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
