I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
