are you still at the devil's house?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
