o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
