Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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