he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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