wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
