There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
