where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
