Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
