just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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