I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
