She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
