I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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