Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
