I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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