Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
