His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just had sex on a roof
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
