Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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