Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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