Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
