he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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