bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
