Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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