Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize