I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
