i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize