I forgot how hot balto sounded
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
