On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
