Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
