Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
