it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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