There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
