there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
