All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
