So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize