well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
