I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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